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Ticklebump Ballot for 2017 Week 3

Ballot Type: Human

Submitted: Sept. 11, 2017, 10:24 a.m.

Overall Rationale: With an incredibly small sample size, join me as we jump to conclusions and make fun of random people with no reason.

Rank Team Reason
1 Alabama Crimson Tide Do I really need to say anything? Do you guys even read this? If you do, and I die, it was the mods.
2 Clemson Tigers Convincing win against Auburn. I don't know what it will take for me to bump Clemson to #1 but I'm very unlikely, outside of a loss, to drop them from #2.
3 USC Trojans The Latexes have control of a pretty well rounded PAC 12 right now. Keep your eyes on Washington as well.
4 Penn State Nittany Lions Nice win against Pitt, who is no slouch. That's what you expect to see from a top 10 team and Barkley keeps looking good.
5 Oklahoma Sooners I think people will be very upset that OU isn't in my top 4. I just think Ohio State isn't firing on all cylinders at the moment. I really believe any of the top 6 right now could be playoff teams.
6 Washington Huskies Play someone real for once. Like I can't tell anything if you only play FC....What? They played a Big 10 team?I don't believe you. Oh I guess Rutgers technically counts.Play and FBS team that is decent before I can write anything better.
7 Michigan Wolverines Out of anyone in my top 10, Michigan is my pick to drop out of it. I think for the moment, I'll keep them here, but if a fix isn't found at QB, we can open Harbaugh's World of Slip and Slides down the rankings.
8 Wisconsin Badgers According to livescience, badgers, when attacking larger animals like lions, will go for the scrotum. That terrifies me.
9 Florida State Seminoles We'll know a lot more about FSU if they play Miami this week. If not, it may be the first time a team enters week 4 in the top 10 without a single win.
10 Louisville Cardinals Lamar is going to do it himself if he needs to. Scored in fucking bunches this week and I think they can go toe to toe with most anyone in the country.
11 Ohio State Buckeyes Where the hell was this JT Barrett in 2014? What the hell Buckeyes, we could have used that win in Lane.
12 LSU Tigers I would pay good money to see Coach O say "Chattanooga" three times fast.
13 Georgia Bulldogs Those little hate balls looked alright against Notre Dame. I still don't know if Notre Dame is that good. They look good, but maybe it's all a trap.
14 Oklahoma State Cowboys They beat fake Bama. Good on 'em.
15 Virginia Tech Hokies Looked a little lethargic on offense against Delaware, but I'm not in the habit of moving teams down for winning by 27 points.
16 Kansas State Wildcats Urban dictionary "Purple Wizard" for a good laugh.
17 Miami Hurricanes See FSU's reason. Minus the whole "week 4 one loss thing."
18 Washington State Cougars A win is a win.
19 West Virginia Mountaineers WVU hate fucked ECU. Jesus christ.
20 Colorado Buffaloes Buffalo Buffaloes Buffaloed Texas State.
21 TCU Horned Frogs Looked pretty damn sharp (horn joke) against the Hogs. 
22 Tennessee Volunteers They beat Florida and I will start giving them credit.
23 Auburn Tigers Woof. Auburn's offense just took the damn day off. I'm down if you want to join team chaos however. Give me a call at 1-800-COASTAL-CHAOS-SACRIFICES-YOU. I think that's the right number.
24 Utah Utes You beat BYU, but stop spray painting their statues. That's expensive to clean up. Spray paint their field. That's funny.
25 UCLA Bruins I wanted to give UCLA props, because I don't know if they can withstand the meat grinder that the PAC 12 is shaping up to be this year.

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