Ballot Type: Human
Submitted: Sept. 11, 2023, 1:16 p.m.
Overall Rationale: Early season polls are dumb. I still largely consider the sample size insufficient to make useful judgements on most teams and remain hesitant to rank teams with nothing on their resume but hype. I reference my previous poll when creating my new one.
Rank | Team | Reason |
---|---|---|
1 | Georgia Bulldogs | (-) More like Bail State amirite |
2 | Michigan Wolverines | (-) Fuck Las Vegas and Fuck John Fisher |
3 | Florida State Seminoles | (+2) I went to Southern Miss last year, there is supposed to be a nice rose garden on campus but it honestly looked like shit, probably because there wasn't staff maintaining it during that time of the summer. Raise your education budget, Mississippi |
4 | Ohio State Buckeyes | (-) For a brief moment, it was 7-7 and it seemed like YSU might make the game watchable. But alas. |
5 | Penn State Nittany Lions | (+1) Delaware is an affront to God and its humiliation is a right and just thing |
6 | Tennessee Volunteers | (+1) I don't know who Austin Peay was and I'm not going to bother to look it up |
7 | Texas Longhorns | (NR) Okay, I'll admit it, I didn't rank the Longhorns until now, I tire of the tExAs Is BaCk meme every year. But Texas was totally in control of the game in T-Town basically from the word go, even if the final score didn't reflect that, and they look like they could hang with anybody in the country if they play the same way. |
8 | Washington Huskies | (-) More like Molden Were-iccane amirite |
9 | Alabama Crimson Tide | (-6) My brain doesn't know how to process Bama losing this early in the season. |
10 | Utah Utes | (-1) "You must be the worst football game winners I have ever heard of." "...But you have heard of me." |
11 | USC Trojans | (-1) Team score many point. Quarterback good at throw |
12 | Oregon State Beavers | (-1) UC Davis knows what they did to deserve it |
13 | Kansas State Wildcats | (-) |
14 | Notre Dame Fighting Irish | (-) |
15 | Ole Miss Rebels | (+9) More like Joey Greenwater amirite |
16 | Duke Blue Devils | (+3) Only moving because the teams ahead of them were eminently unimpressive (or lost) |
17 | Colorado Buffaloes | (+4) I never thought Nebraska was going to be good, but that doesn't erase the symbolic importance of the Buffs' win on Saturday. |
18 | Maryland Terrapins | (+2) Still waiting for y'all to put some respek on the Terps' name |
19 | Oregon Ducks | (-4) I did not watch the UO-TT game. I am glad |
20 | North Carolina Tar Heels | (-4) A bullshit win is still a win I guess |
21 | Fresno State Bulldogs | (-4) [Cringe emoji] |
22 | UCLA Bruins | (-4) Bruins didn't do anything wrong, I am just course correcting for overranking them before |
23 | Washington State Cougars | (NR) The fact that the Pac is dying is so genuinely tragic |
24 | Tulane Green Wave | (-12) The Wave failed to win an extremely winnable game, unfortunately |
25 | Kansas Jayhawks | (NR) I believe. DROPPED OUT: Wisconsin, Houston, Pittsburgh |
Teams Ranked:
Rank | Team | Unusualness |
---|---|---|
1 | Georgia Bulldogs | 0.00 |
2 | Michigan Wolverines | 0.00 |
3 | Florida State Seminoles | 0.00 |
4 | Ohio State Buckeyes | 0.06 |
5 | Penn State Nittany Lions | 0.05 |
6 | Tennessee Volunteers | 0.83 |
7 | Texas Longhorns | -0.40 |
8 | Washington Huskies | 0.00 |
9 | Alabama Crimson Tide | 0.35 |
10 | Utah Utes | 0.00 |
11 | USC Trojans | -0.91 |
12 | Oregon State Beavers | 0.24 |
13 | Kansas State Wildcats | 0.00 |
14 | Notre Dame Fighting Irish | -0.79 |
15 | Ole Miss Rebels | 0.00 |
16 | Duke Blue Devils | 0.00 |
17 | Colorado Buffaloes | 0.00 |
18 | Maryland Terrapins | 7.02 |
19 | Oregon Ducks | -0.83 |
20 | North Carolina Tar Heels | 0.00 |
21 | Fresno State Bulldogs | 3.82 |
22 | UCLA Bruins | 0.00 |
23 | Washington State Cougars | 0.00 |
24 | Tulane Green Wave | 0.92 |
25 | Kansas Jayhawks | 0.00 |
Omissions:
Team | Unusualness |
---|---|
Oklahoma Sooners | 1.05 |
LSU Tigers | 0.70 |
Miami Hurricanes | 0.32 |
Iowa Hawkeyes | 0.05 |
Total Score: 18.32