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Zloggt Ballot for 2023 Final

Ballot Type: Human

Submitted: Jan. 11, 2024, 9:57 a.m.

Overall Rationale: I know it's important NOT to value bowl results TOO much (especially for teams who have had multiple opt-outs/transfer portal victims/star players sitting out/etc)...but it DOES still play a factor in deciding who finishes where for me. To an extent, at least...

Rank Team Reason
1 Michigan Wolverines Whole other side of the state...but over the summer, I went on a trip around Lake Michigan - St. Joseph, Traverse City, Mackinac, Escanaba, real beautiful stuff! It was a lovely time, with beautiful weather and great food! Would definitely go again. Also...something about khakis and sign stealing? Ah, you know why this squad is here.
2 Washington Huskies I've got spring break in early March, and my family is planning a trip to check out Seattle (and other places along the PNW, if we got time). I've NEVER been any more northwest than San Francisco before, so I'm both excited and kind of uncertain about how things will go. I think it will be very fun, with lots to do and see. Anyway, perhaps the Huskies would've fared better against Bama...but alas, they ended up facing the buzzsaw that is Michigan. Still, great season! If only this wasn't the end of the Pac-12 as we knew it...
3 Texas Longhorns Longhorns ALMOST got lucky there! I mean, they actually WERE pretty damn lucky that Washington somehow managed to turn what was pretty much a guaranteed victory into a near-complete last minute choke! And had ONE measly play at the goaline gone the way everybody wanted it to...who knows? Maybe they've wouldn't have beaten Michigan either, but it is still quite an interesting what-if to consider. But alas, what has been a still VERY impressive year for Texas remains a victim to one final Pac-12 After Dark chicanery...but hey, they'll be back!
4 Alabama Crimson Tide In the greater culture war between supporters of the traditional aspects of the sport (conferences, bowls, who should be considered best team) and the powerful new masters of the landscape (read: conference executives and television producers)...Bama sits in the middle of the crossfire! And as much fun it is to label them as the big bad elephant that represents EVERYTHING wrong about college football these days...they are actually rather innocent in all this? I mean, sure, losing to Texas SHOULD have been the eliminating factor, not to mention for how they struggled against the likes of South Florida (aged well!) and Auburn (aged not-so well)...but hey, Saban and his boys never quitted, and as shown in the SEC Championship, if the Tide have enough spark, then they can indeed get it done! A lot of the time, at least...and to be fair, they DID came close to beating the Wolverines (not a guarantee, but you know...), had it not been for that one unfortunate snap. Do I still think Florida State should've been in over Alabama? Well, duh - if they let a team like Cincinnati in one time, then surely Florida State would be a logical extension (especially if record is super important, you know!). But hey - if we gotta give these money-hungry ESPN people SOME credit (that they still don't really deserve)...it's that these semifinal games were indeed pretty dang entertaining - and a good appetizer of future playoff fun to come. I'd never thought I would say this so soon - but happy trails, Mr. and Mrs. Saban!
5 Georgia Bulldogs UGA is more like Ohio State than Florida State in that one late loss proved CLEARLY fatal for their CFP hopes, turning what was once a straightforward path to Pasadena or New Orleans into a trip to Miami for what was essentially a consolation game against a MUCH more disrespected FSU team. But unlike Buckeye or Seminole, the Bulldog does not sulk TOO much at their newfound predicament, instead picking itself up, dusting off, and doing their best to carry on business as normal. Yes, the game we got in the Orange Bowl is a sad reminder of just how much we missed out on a potential Georgia/Florida State PLAYOFF matchup (especially in the event that Jordan Travis DID NOT break his leg), but the result we have is still pretty fascinating, especially if you wish to answer the question of what would happen if a team that gave even a BIT of a shit faced off against a team who gave NO shits at all. So I shall give credit to Kirby and his Dreamland Team for their ability to see that if life gives you oranges...you, uh, make orangeade (or just juice?). Maybe it's a sign of the future too...
6 Florida State Seminoles Florida State, undefeated champion of a major conference, was infamously left out of the last 4-team CFP, an act that is foolish incompetent at best and outright maliciously corrupt and self-serving at worse. As such, the team and its fans rightfully feel anger and disappointment at missing out on the chance of natty goodness, instead being left in a consolation game that would hardly console ANYBODY. That being said...the Seminoles COULD have at least taken the route of their fellow disrespected Sunshine State program, the 2017 UCF Knights, in SHOWING the CFP of just how wrong they were by winning their bowl game with grace and glory. Of course, the state of bowls isn't the same now, and there is MUCH more justification for how players can opt out...but uh...you know...63-3? I'm a man who likes taking EVERYTHING into consideration...so let me just say this: We ALL feel just as offended as FSU when it came to the Committee's final picks...but at the same time, if you REALLY wanted to stick it to them...then maybe a different plan should've been in place...
7 Oregon Ducks There's an irony to be found in the evangelical university from the South being walloped by a public school from the heathenish region that is the Pacific Northwest (though I'd bet a dollar to say that pretty much most players in the game are at least nominally religious lol)...but Fiesta Bowl chicanery (and touchy hot-button issues) aside, not a bad season for the Ducks! Sure, the dark horse for the Heisman never got to realize the prophecy, but no matter what, there was much fun to be had in Eugene, and though it may have not been relaxing ALL the time, it was nonetheless, a great year for the waterfowl of Nike apparel!
8 Missouri Tigers Gotta say...I was NOT expecting things to go so well as they did this year! And believe me, although I was quite excited for the game against Ohio State, I was also VERY certain that a Buckeyes team, even without MHJ, would still be a huge challenge to beat. Not to mention, of course, my pessimistic side reminding me of how much the Tigers dropped the ball in their previous bowl games against the likes of Army and Wake Forest. Then the Cotton Bowl came and went, and two things happened - first, a confirmation that yes, it was indeed a challenge to play against this team. But to my surprise, the seemingly inevitable letdown did NOT come to fruition, and before you know it, I was witnessing something REALLY special. And so, on the fateful Friday night, with giant fluffs of cotton stuffed within my ears (metaphorically)...the peak of my college football fandom was reached, and all was right in the world.
9 Ole Miss Rebels Hotty Toddy! It was quite a Peachy battle of Ole Miss and Penn State, two teams often said to be bridesmaids but never brides within their respective conferences (or fulfilling similar ecological niches, if you wanna be nerdy). Seemed to be quite a 50/50 matchup, right? Down to the bone, even! But alas, everyone knows of just how much most felines dislike aquatic environments, and this particular pride of Nittany Lions is no exception. Unfortunately, once the Nittany Lions had to face off against a coach of FRESHWATER, it seemed as if it would have never begun in the first place (except the few times where PSU was ahead but ignore it for the funny spiel I'm doing)...indeed doomed to defeat against a bunch of fiesty Landsharks. What a season for the Rebs!
10 Ohio State Buckeyes Do you believe in karma? Or at least some sort of force similar to it? Regardless of your feelings about it...there lies a great piece of evidence for its existence in the form of the Ohio State program. Countless years of mocking Harbaugh and Wolverines fans (I remember some particular moments when it came to O'Korn, did I spell it right?) for quite a long deal of time...and just like that, shit got serious with the TTUN, and things NEVER got easy for Columbus EVER again (at least in this department). And now, they have finished a season that WOULD be the DREAM for many others...but for their incredibly high standards, has instead turned into quite a nightmare! Of course, I've gotta take off the homer glasses and admit that a Buckeyes team with NO opt-outs (AKA the team for the regular season) would definitely beat Missouri...but as 2023 proved, M-letter teams often spooks THE Ohio State team a good amount! But once again, hopes that relied on winning THE Game came short, and all the city of Columbus can do is just lick their wounds and wait til' next year (and also hope that the NCAA does something about the whole Signgate thing so that tOSU can have the last laugh).
11 Arizona Wildcats Fisch! Fisch! Wonderful Fisch! Has there been ANY other program with such a second half surge like Arizona? I'd doubt you would find an answer in that regard...nobody can come close! 16 points (and 4 OTs) away from being undefeated is honestly just INSANE to think about! And I have to be honest - while I was VERY much enjoying the ride, I had a feeling that it was going to end once they faced off against the Sooners. At least...that's what I THOUGHT...until Oklahoma decided to do a SNAFU and allow the Wildcats to waltz into utter DOMINATION. And now, look at this! We've got quite a glowup of a program in Tucson...and looking foward, Arizona would be a LEGIT contender for the neo-Big 12 next season (and also for the Pac-12 too, had it still been a thing...RIP)...after the 70-7 incident back in 2020, such a turnaround is QUITE deserved for Wildcat fans (complete with a similar beatdown of their rivals on the road to match)!
12 LSU Tigers Geaux Tigeaux! Who would've thought that LSU would've still fared pretty well after laying a giant egg against the Seminoles to start the season? Well...admittedly, having a Heisman QB at the helm helps a PRETTY damn good deal...but still! It was a decent season (tough losses to Ole Miss and Alabama aside)...and it was capped off quite well with an exciting (and stressful) win over Wisconsin. Fitting how they started their season embarrassed in a loss in an OOC game somewhere in the middle of Florida...and then finished said season with a flourish of a victory in an also OOC game also in the middle of Florida! And plus, the slightly better loss to the Rebs (in comparison to the following Penn State) allows for LSU a bit of a tiebreaking boost too...
13 Penn State Nittany Lions Another year...and 0-2 against the dastardly duo of Buckeyes and Wolverines. I know that James Franklin often gets disrespected from other people, especially those on the outside looking in, but honestly speaking, I would LOVE to have that sort of stability that he provides. Will it sting that you will NEVER win the two most important games you have on your schedule? Well...yeah, and I wouldn't blame Nittany Lion fans for feeling kinda bitter about that after it happens for many years. But come on, as a fan of programs known for having up and down seasons...wouldn't I NOT want to settle for frequent 10-win seasons and constant trips to NY6 bowls? Granted, this year's bowl game wasn't as fun as last year's...but still, my point stands!
14 Notre Dame Fighting Irish Some people may want Marcus Freeman out of South Bend. These people are either those who are having a hard time getting over Brian Kelly, or just completely insane. He's FINE. Maybe not going to get the Irish back in the TOP spotlight as his predecessor did, but for what the entire LSU poaching sage curtailed, this was a perfectly FINE and WISE decision to make. Perhaps things would've gone better had they not lost against Clemson or Louisville (and of course the 4-point loss against Ohio State too), but for what it was, 2023 remained still a FINE year, especially if you take into consideration that they are pretty much what started USC's RAPID decline from CFP hopefuls to middling status. And if it weren't for the fact the a coach choking the chicken in East Lansing caused an ENTIRE football program in Corvallis to be set back YEARS, maybe the bowl game would've been more competitive for us to watch - but hey, I'm sure Irish players and fans would nonetheless enjoy laying loose like they did in El Paso...
15 Oklahoma State Cowboys Ah...Cowboys. What a wonderfully weird team you are. Like a Jekyll/Hyde sort of ordeal, you never know who we get every week. The scary squad of Stillwater, who helped spoil Oklahoma's season and go 2-2 against Sunflower State teams? Or the bottom-of-the-barrel program that can only score a measly FG against the likes of UCF (with a Space Game boost to be fair) and even get CRUSHED at HOME against the likes of SOUTH ALABAMA??? Yeah, confusing year for Gundy's boys...BUT to his credit, there was ultimately MORE good than bad in the season. Yeah, maybe NOT shitting the bed against UCF and South Alabama would've made for a better season, but to still make for a decent 2023 in spite of it goes to show you how much credit the Pokes deserve! And as funny as it would've been for TAMU to stun Ok State in the bowl game...it was still a true OK way for the Cowboys to cap off the year!
16 Oklahoma Sooners It's kinda the same thing for the Pokes' rival down in Norman too. Not as bipolar, but still quite a season of highs and lows. On one hand, impressive victories over TWO conference champions, be it an early takedown of SMU, or the ALWAYS epic victory against Texas at the Cotton Bowl! But then we got the 1-2 punch of first getting their chalks rocked by the Jayhawks in one week before allow their in-state rivals get one last laugh in what was pretty much THE biggest (and ultimate) Bedlam for the near-future to end up more or less eliminated from the Playoff. Who knows? Take out one of those two losses, and we would be talking a MUCH different story. Maybe even a CFP berth? Or even a NY6 bowl? I guess we will never know. At least they would've ended up being bullied by Arizona regardless...
17 Tennessee Volunteers Did the 2023 Tennessee Volunteers run it back like how last year's team did? Well...no, they didn't. The Florida loss confirmed to us that they will NOT repeat last year's success. Then the Alabama game didn't go so well, and then the 1-2 punch of Missouri and Georgia near the end didn't help either! But ultimately, even a relative let down after last year's promise still ended up quite okay for Knoxville - especially after how Nico let loose on what was supposed to be a TOUGH Iowa defense in their bowl game! And with Iamaleava (commentators might need to start practicing how to pronounce that starting NOW) at the helm in a changing SEC landscape...I'm certain the Vols fans are willing to accept this good-but-not-great season for a MUCH more promising future (that we got a taste of at the "ReliaQuest" (AKA not Outback) Bowl) to come...
18 Kansas State Wildcats 'Cats! Again, when watching the K-State/Mizzou game, I was VERY confident that it would've been another humiliation at the hands of the purple-colored Wildcats (especially since I remembered how last year's game went)...only for a certain Thicc Kiccer to prove me WRONG, actually. But "amazing ranked upset win to help spark a massive season-defining turnaround" aside...it was also an okay season for the Wildcats! Granted, they didn't run it back as Big 12 champs like they did last year, but they still had a feisty little thing going on at Manhattan! Beating their ranked rivals on the road, coming SUPER oh-so-close to knocking Texas out of CFP contention (again also on the road)...and then capping things off with an impressive bowl game victory against an equally-decent NC State squad! Oh yeah, now THAT was a good keynote to end the year off on...along with, you know, the mascot cannibalization to eat its oh-so-succulent strawberry insides that followed...
19 Louisville Cardinals Again, Florida State should've made the Playoff, and to dismiss the ACC as a "weak link" within the P5 would be foolish at best and quite disrespectful at worse. I mean...even without the Playoff debacle, the Cardinals still had a MASSIVE season! Beating ranked Duke AND Notre Dame teams ain't nothing to sneeze at - and while they DID end up having Pitt spoil their party for a bit (don't worry, the Panthers do this a whole lot)...there is still MUCH to like for Prohm's first year in the Bluegrass State. Well...maybe their stretch against a seemingly weak Kentucky team (in what should've been their first REALLY winnable rivalry game in YEARS), a hobbled (but still formidable) Florida State squad, and then a depleted USC program missing their star player could have gone MUCH better (perhaps even winning ONE of these games would've led to a higher ranking)...but for all intents and purposes, there is still much potential to be discovered here! Even if their postseason performance KINDA gives the "ACC programs lol" argument some fuel...
20 Kansas Jayhawks Ahhhhhh fuckkkkkkkk...do I have to? Well, I DO feel pretty good about how the Missouri season went, so in these good spirits, I have to be fair and respectful. Everybody knows just how hard it is to succeed in Lawrence! Well...on the GRIDIRON, that is. And especially after the Les Miles debacle (he knows that it's best to stick to Fansville commercial, it's what he's good at these days)...who could take such a program and glow it up? Well...Lance Leipold, that's who! And to their credit, he really IS a miracle worker, breaking what seemed to be an absolutely THICK ceiling to raise the Jayhawks' status higher and higher! And while there WERE some hiccups along the way...2023 ended up as a season to remember, especially after invoking their REAL HUMAN BEAN powers to take care of an uppity UNLV team in their bowl game (who was, coincidentally, a Missouri coach of old - so you know, lotta Tiger fans hoping for the upset there). And while I may feel just a TWINGE salty at the result (it would have to take, like, a Kansas/Liberty bowl for me to consider even begrudgingly root for KU lol), I must take the higher road and congratulate Lance and Lawrence for an impressive season! That's the most flattery I can give as a college football fan in general...
21 NC State Wolfpack The Wolfpack often flies under the radar as one of the more consistent programs in the nation. With Dave Doerean, you're often bound to get 7-9 wins a season, and frequently ending up in nice bowl games against other interesting opponents too. Sure, maybe Wolfpack fans want something MORE out of this Raleigh program, but if you're a team who keeps ending up in perpetual mediocrity...what they got going on there will sure seem desirable no matter what! And besides, there are some nice moments for them this season, mainly the clowning the likes of Clemson, Miami, AND North Carolina on route to an impressive second-half turnaround! But alas, the first bowl game victory since 2017 remained elusive once again, this time missing out on the chance to eat a giant living Pop-Tart against the likes of a fellow [State] State school. Still...I would trust Coach Dave to do quite well again next season - and who knows? Maybe that season-ending bowl win may finally come...
22 Clemson Tigers Ah shucks...guess I should have NEVER counted Dabo out. Well, not REALLY at least. Sure, things aren't as great there as it used to be just years ago...but you gotta give credit to the team! To go from a 4-4 season wasted by shocking losses...into a 5-game win streak culminating in a doozy of a bowl win against Kentucky shows you that while the Tigers MAY be more prone to Clemsoning (the bad kind) these days, they can easily still perform acts of Clemsoning (the good kind) too! And in a year to forget for ACC football...it is ironically THEM to end up as one of the conference's shining lights.
23 Iowa Hawkeyes Ah...the Hawkeyes. They truly ARE a meme team. I mean...how else could that offense be SO legendary that you got people cracking Brian Ferentz jokes OUTSIDE the college football landscape? And it's a real shame too, because for how hard that incredible defense works, they never seem to get any good rest! Indeed, it was defense (and also a phenom punter of the name Tory Taylor) that dragged Iowa into a division title (and sealing their fate as THE ultimate B1G West team)...but by then, the injuries (and fatigue) was too much for them to bear. Moving heaven and earth to beat Illinois and Nebraska (and essentially deny them of a bowl games...:( ) meant that there was no juice left against the likes of Michigan and Tennessee...and as such, the nepo baby's final two games at helm of OC was fitting for his late career at Iowa City. All we can say now is that hopefully a new OC (and maybe some new offensive tools too) can help make Iowa indeed a force to be reckon with for the years ahead...
24 SMU Mustangs Woof...SMU ended up being in one of the bigger upsets of the bowl season (if not THE biggest upset), especially when you consider how in the HELL did the AAC Champion get easily bested by a middle-of-the-pack ACC team. Well...maybe aside from the fact that they played against a BOSTON College at the FENWAY Bowl, which is a baseball stadium in BOSTON. Ok, so the Mustangs got pretty hosed in terms of bowl location, and that's a valid complaint. Still...for how well they played during the regular season, it nonetheless remained a shockingly poor way for their year to end. Not to mention how this can serve as a taste of their (maybe short-term) future in the ACC will go...since that's going to be a thing too. Regardless, at least SMU could HAVE indeed won, and even though I do NOT dislike Liberty the way many other people here do, I WILL agree that maybe they would've given Oregon a MUCH harder time in comparison to the Flames. I know that the whole "hey we talk so much about record and SOS for FSU but we don't consider the same for Liberty!!!" debate has a LOT of "well, akshually" (both in terms of stats, data, and a LOT of touchy stuff that we shouldn't get into)...but well, maybe having a harder SOS does INDEED make for a better G5 team...
25 Memphis Tigers Speaking of G5, what a weird bowl season they had! EVERY conference champion lost, and even among the runner-ups, only ONE of this group of five (heh) managed to win their bowl game. So this leaves me with a quagmire - WHO else do I pick so that SMU isn't lonely on top? Well...why not Memphis? With the Miami Redhawks falling flat on their face in a rainy bowl, and Boise State coming up short against Chip Kelly and the Bruins in what was pretty much a de facto home game for UCLA (hey wait a minute...), and also Troy missing the mark against a decimated Duke team, not to mention the Fiesta Bowl incident for Liberty...it was the Tigers who managed to have a quite decent bowl game victory! Granted, it was also a de facto home game for them...but Iowa State is no team to sneeze at either! And while the Sun Belt as a whole may have been a better conference than the G5, the way their top teams didn't manage to do well in this postseason (a lot of it DOES have to do with program gutting in the wake of coach poaching - maybe we should wait until AFTER bowl season to do so?), this provides a good path for these sneakily-good kitties of Beale Street to end up in the Top 25! Sure, it's a token vote...but hey, I do appreciate a good smacking of AACtion!

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