Ballot Type: Human
Submitted: Aug. 15, 2017, 1:41 a.m.
Rank | Team | Reason |
---|---|---|
1 | Alabama Crimson Tide | It's Bama. They return their stacked backfield and Calvin Ridley on the outside, and they'll always have a top 5 defense due to the ridiculous amount of talent there. Scarbrough, Ridley, Fitzpatrick, Hand, and Evans are all All-American calibre players. If you don't have them #1, you're a h8r. |
2 | Ohio State Buckeyes | *Maybe* the most talented team overall in the country with their recruiting success over the last 5 years and the amount of returning starters from what was already an elite team last year, performance in the playoff notwithstanding. Some questions on offense but they have new coordinators in Ryan Day and Kevin Wilson so things should work out just fine there. Absolutely monstrous and deep defensive line is one of the best in the country along with Clemson's. |
3 | Florida State Seminoles | The hype surrounding true freshman RB Cam Akers might be distracting people from the fact that, when protected, DeAndre Francois is a very good quarterback. The question is whether they can protect him. Another dominant defensive line plus Derwin "literally Jabrill Peppers" James on the back end make up what should be a nasty defense. |
4 | Washington Huskies | Teams with Husky mascots are objectively better than those without. They lost John Ross but QB Jake Browning and RB Myles Gaskin return on offense while my spirit animal Vita Vea returns on defense. Chris Peterson has created one hell of a program on relatively short notice and the dawgs should keep rolling this year. They play Rutgers out of conference, so big ups to UDub for strategic scheduling. |
5 | USC Trojans | Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Ronald Jones Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Cameron Smith Sam Darnold Sam Darnold Porter Gustin Sam Darnold Sam Darnold |
6 | Penn State Nittany Lions | Dis offense gon be lit, yo. Joe Moorhead told me not to call Trace McSorely a jump ball merchant so I will downgrade that to the Christian Fuchs/Rory Delap category of "long throw connoisseur". But really though he's a very good quarterback and Saquon Barkley is the best RB in the country and Mike Gesicki might be the best TE in the country so yeah they're gonna be fun. |
7 | Oklahoma Sooners | They lost Samaje Perine and some other good running back but they still have the ol' gunslinger Baker Mayfield, fresh off a drunken run-in with a vaunted SEC defense down in Fayetteville. Not Arkansas' defense though, I said "vaunted". I meant the cops, in case it wasn't obvious. He got arrested. Oh yeah and they have a new coach, btw. Lincoln Riley is like 13 years old and he's already the head coach of a blue blood program. When I was 13 I played with Beyblades. |
8 | Clemson Tigers | They don't have Deshaun Watson but the do have Deon Cain, Dexter Lawrence, Christian Wilkins, Clelin Farrell, and a whole host of other weapons as well. If they can find a decent quarterback this is another playoff calibre team. Dabo dun did good. |
9 | Wisconsin Badgers | rip Jack Cichy. The Badger defense will always be stout and the offense has a guy named Jazz Peavy on it. Compared to last year's schedule where they got Ohio State, Michigan, and pre-collapse MSU from the East, this year's is a walk through a proverbial park but the park is called the Big Ten West. |
10 | Oklahoma State Cowboys | If Mason Rudolph and James Washington don't combine for 90000 yards of offense this year I am going to be very upset. |
11 | Michigan Wolverines | Usually teams experience a Great Leap Forward during a coach's third year but Chairman Harbaugh had all of Brady Hoke's high profile recruits to play with and now that he's lost them, the wolverines might experience a Marginal Step Backward. They still have Mo Hurst and Rashan Gary so don't have too much sympathy for them. |
12 | LSU Tigers | Ceauxch Eaux has a very talented roster and two of the best coordinators in CFB coaching his offense and defense. If Canada turned Nate Peterman into an NFL draft pick, he'll have fun with all of the weapons at his disposal this year in Baton Rouge. Dave Aranda is good too and so is Arden Key who will hopefully be on the Chicago Bears next year to make up for my despair at the Trubisgod pick. |
13 | Louisville Cardinals | Last year was Lamar Jackson's team, and this year is no different. Louisville will go as far as he can carry them, and that's pretty far provided he doesn't run into a team with Ed Oliver again. |
14 | Stanford Cardinal | They return most of last year's team minus impact players Solomon Thomas and some guy named McCaffrey. |
15 | Auburn Tigers | *that meme where the guy has two buttons in front of him and is sweating trying to figure out which one to push and the first one says "run the ball 60 times" and the other says "Baylor transfer at QB"* |
16 | Miami Hurricanes | Ok I don't have any real analysis for this one other than Braad Kaaya is gone and they return basically everyone else. What I really wanted to say is it would really hilarious if Miami made the ACC title game and Georgia went like 7-5. |
17 | Kansas State Wildcats | They return basically everyone from a 9 win team and Bill Snyder might be in the last year of his career. This could be one of those KSU Top 5 years. |
18 | Virginia Tech Hokies | Justin Fuente and Virginia Tech go together like honey nut and cheerios. Or mesothelioma and being entitled to financial compensation. The thing here is Jerrod Evans was a big dumdum and left early for no reason and they lost WR Isaiah Ford and WR/TE/H Bucky Hodges. The defense will still be good and I trust Fuente to make the offense serviceable at the least. |
19 | Florida Gators | Same old Gators. If they can find an offense, which might be a little bit easier this year with Malik Zaire, they'll be a force. Until then, 19 feels right. |
20 | USF Bulls | I love Quinton Flowers more than I love myself. |
21 | NC State Wolfpack | I love Bradley Chubb almost as much as I love Quinton Flowers and still yet more than myself. |
22 | Georgia Bulldogs | lol can you imagine if Mark Richt makes the ACC title game. Ok but seriously though UGA is really talented. They have two great young QBs in Jacob "he don't actually care about football Pawwl" Eason and Jake Fromm Statefarm. Oh yeah and Nick Chubb and Sony Michel are back for their 13th and 14th years of eligibility, respectively. |
23 | Northwestern Wildcats | This might be controversial but Northwestern will be Actually Good. Justin Jackson and Clayton Thorson are Good^TM. |
24 | Boise State Broncos | Yeah Boise is still good. |
25 | Memphis Tigers | ANTHONY MILLER WILL HAVE MORE THAN EIGHT THOUSAND RECEIVING YARDS DON'T @ ME. |
Teams Ranked:
Rank | Team | Unusualness |
---|---|---|
1 | Alabama Crimson Tide | 0.00 |
2 | Ohio State Buckeyes | 0.00 |
3 | Florida State Seminoles | 0.00 |
4 | Washington Huskies | 0.25 |
5 | USC Trojans | 0.00 |
6 | Penn State Nittany Lions | 0.00 |
7 | Oklahoma Sooners | 0.00 |
8 | Clemson Tigers | 0.00 |
9 | Wisconsin Badgers | 0.00 |
10 | Oklahoma State Cowboys | 0.00 |
11 | Michigan Wolverines | 0.00 |
12 | LSU Tigers | 0.00 |
13 | Louisville Cardinals | 0.00 |
14 | Stanford Cardinal | 0.00 |
15 | Auburn Tigers | 0.00 |
16 | Miami Hurricanes | 0.00 |
17 | Kansas State Wildcats | 0.15 |
18 | Virginia Tech Hokies | 0.01 |
19 | Florida Gators | -0.04 |
20 | USF Bulls | 0.00 |
21 | NC State Wolfpack | 1.24 |
22 | Georgia Bulldogs | -0.36 |
23 | Northwestern Wildcats | 1.70 |
24 | Boise State Broncos | 0.26 |
25 | Memphis Tigers | 0.17 |
Omissions:
Team | Unusualness |
---|---|
West Virginia Mountaineers | 0.47 |
Utah Utes | 0.03 |
Washington State Cougars | 0.07 |
Total Score: 4.76