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Zloggt Ballot for 2024 Preseason

Ballot Type: Human

Submitted: Aug. 20, 2024, 9:52 a.m.

Overall Rationale: It's preseason, do whatever! But for me, "whatever" does mean taking, uh, "inspiration" from other places, before jazzing it up to my own tastes, thoughts, and other types of theories...

Rank Team Reason
1 Georgia Bulldogs A bunch of peachy poochies, lead by dat dere Kirbeh, with a bone to pick (haha get it???) against the rest of the FBS after just barely missing out on the Playoff, along with some...offseason legal issues, to put it lightly. But hey, there isn't a rule that says that a Fulmer Cup champion (RIP) CAN'T play football now, hmm?
2 Oregon Ducks Ducks! Such magnificent creatures! And also a persistent species of avian, if a certain beach picnic during my vacation last week tells anything. But family feeding times aside, the Ducks have a solid path towards becoming Pac-12 champions! Or, well, becoming champions of the sub-conference formerly known as the Pac-12, at least. Are they REALLY better than Ohio State? To that, I say...I'm not sure! But considering the relative lack of changes in Eugene compared to Columbus, I'd say that this will be what gives them the upper-edge, at least for now...
3 Ohio State Buckeyes Keep Day! Fire Day! A New Day! End of Day! It sure has been a contentious couple of seasons in the Columbus Conundrum recently, in which getting 10 wins and playing in major bowls - the DREAM for many a program - is instead seen as "slipping up" and "worthy of getting fired for it", if you can put it like that. But look, I'm not here to talk about whether or not this truly is the final chance for Ryan Day, or if THE Ohio State fans are extremely spoiled and impatient, but what I am here to talk about is that we see many major changes with the program, from new coordinators and players, to an arguably bigger and harder road to repeat past success. But hey, even a rocky road is still a road - and after all, now that Michigan more or less "peaked", perhaps the time for the hierarchy of the DC...I mean, the B1G Universe is about to change!
4 Notre Dame Fighting Irish I have not, and likely STILL not consider myself to be a Notre Dame fan...but since I have family that will now be working in the great big Amazon project thingy in Mishawaka(?) - therefore making the House of Zloggt have a presence in the South Bend area for at least the next two years, if not more - I suppose that I will have to apply a "Fighting Irish FOLLOWER" label to my chest now. So therefore, in my first act as a psuedo-ND fan, is the choice to slightly overrate them above other teams whom I lack the same level of light connection! But hey, Notre Dame is still Notre Dame, and even in this increasingly unfamiliar college football landscape, they remain a constant in a consistently changing world. And sure, their persistence to NOT sell out and stay indie does make for a more difficult path to the Playoffs (especially since they cannot rely on AQs and whatnot)...but hey, Freeman's a swell coach, and they always be having good players no matter what, so they have the potential. And with that, I give them my...moderate support!
5 Texas Longhorns It's a big herd of cattle is back, in a newfangled grazing space that JUST MEANS MORE!!!! But tired joke aside, there must be quite the hype - and worry - surrounding this upcoming season in Austin. But you know...Texas is Texas, so I'm sure they'll do fine. Especially with their new 'croots, and also the famed Quinny Ewers at QB as well...though I do wanna see if the famed nepobaby Arch will eventually take the field at least once this year (though he's a redshirt so I doubt it lol).
6 Alabama Crimson Tide Hahaha, another year with the Dark Lord Saban, am I right, fellow baconing narwhals? Wait...shit...I remember now...dang! Oh well...I suppose the Lord's influence on the program of Tuscaloosa is enough to keeps the previously-existing gravitational pull of corrupting and violating EVERYTHING in its path! I mean, just look at what happened in Seattle! And then Tucson! And then San Jose! Bama's still Bama, and you just know that even without Saban at the top, they still remain contending and surprisin'...
7 Florida State Seminoles If Georgia is playing with a chip on their shoulder...then we oughta consider the Seminoles to be playing with their shoulders almost ENTIRELY chopped off! And sure, maybe we've reached a point where the FSU pity party might be running thin, and their complaints seem more like stubborn bitching, but in the end, is the Tallahassee Team not justified in their anger? But whatever, it's a brand new season, and now that the Playoff has been expanded (for better or worse), there lies the chance of rebounding, to give the CFP (and its Mousy Overlords) a solid middle finger while doing so! Well, as long as they ensure that they keep themselves in contention this go-around...
8 Ole Miss Rebels The Rebs are always interesting. A good team, even great, actually! But often lost in the grander discussions about the sport, namely because they are the Penn State equivalent in the realm of the SEC. But hey, that suits these Freshwater Landsharks just fine! And if the media circus will rather just be in Tuscaloosa or Austin instead of Oxford, then that suits them well - after all, they more or less have their own way of proving their potential outside of the spotlight!
9 Penn State Nittany Lions And speaking of Penn State equivalents...here's THE standard of, well, the thing I'm talking about! And I really do feel bad about giving Penn State so much shit for being second fiddle in the Big Ten...but hey, I remain envious of their position! And who knows? Now that Michigan isn't as strong as they have been - I feel like things could go just a bit more...nice for the Nittany Lions this year!
10 Missouri Tigers WOOOOO TIGAH!!!!! It's not gonna be the same ride as it was last year, but I'm at peace with that! All that matters now is the Coach Drink has proved himself to indeed be a savior for the program of CoMo! And yeah, not having players like Schrader or Rakestraw (and especially Thicc Kicker) does stink a bit, but that's expected - and after all, there still remains many a talent here! So therefore, I remain quite optimistic about everything! Now, I just hope that things go well this fall...
11 Michigan Wolverines No Harbaugh? Big roster turnover? The always impeding shadow of potential NCAA punishment? Yep...all big concerns. But oh well, post-natty hangovers comes to everybody eventually - and what matters more is just how one can sober up from it. And when it comes to the Wolverines, I think they have a decent thing in place. But will Moore's boys repeat? Eh...not likely. But hey, they sure as hell can come close to doing so, and that's fairly respectable nonetheless! And honestly, I just came back from a really nice vacation in (the other side of) Michigan...so for that reason, youse Ann Arbor fellas can get a bit of a boost here!
12 Utah Utes Man, who the FR...FUCK (this ain't Provo lol) is gonna win the Neo Big 12 this year? Who the heck knows??? But hey, if you had to pick one, then you can side with the pretty dang consistent Utes, for one! Man, I don't know how that Witty Ham Kyle does it, but once again, I expect great things from the team from the future 2034 Winter Olympic hosts!
13 LSU Tigers
14 Oklahoma State Cowboys Is OK-State that much better than their in-state rivals that left for a pack of cigarettes and never returned? Eh...probably not. But hey, it's preseason, and if there is a way for me to express my rage and frustration with the state of the modern game, then I have found it here! And hey, Gundy and Co. won what is likely the last Bedlam on the gridiron for the foreseeable future...so uh, sure, let's go with that! And I guess that can translate into a hopeful run at the Big 12!
15 Oklahoma Sooners ...that being said, OU is still OU. Will they benefit from the SEC move as much as Texas (softball aside)? Eh...doubt it. But hey, Veneables has really found them Sooners a real footing after what happened with HE WHO SHOULD NOT BE NAMED (OR ALLOWED TO COOK FOR THE BBQ)...so sure, ya can't always rule them out...
16 Clemson Tigers My DDS (Dabo Derangement Syndrome) is never gonna go away...but besides that, Clemson can (and likely will) bounce back. Playoffs? Maybe. At least a bowl? Definitely...
17 Tennessee Volunteers The rule of Huepel continues for 2024...perhaps they are more looking ahead towards the future and the glory it promises, but for now, they look to maybe surprise a few folks and keep up the good work in Knoxville...
18 Kansas State Wildcats Cats! They always good.
19 Arizona Wildcats More Cats! Been rough for them this offseason...but damage wasn't so bad! And for that, it's all that Tucson could ever want!
20 Miami Hurricanes Ugh...you again? I do suppose that good 'crootin' gives thee the benefit of the doubt...maybe the Hurricanes will have more favorable conditions to grow...
21 Texas A&M Aggies And then you again too? Man...like Miami, I will give Elko and the Aggie kids some benefit of the doubt too...best make good use of it...
22 NC State Wolfpack Pack's Back! And hopefully things will go better this time...
23 Iowa Hawkeyes No more nepobaby! Yay!!! And now...to see how gaining even some offense will change things...
24 Kansas Jayhawks Ugh...do I have to? Well...I suppose it's only fair. It's hard to succeed in Lawrence...and even a Kansas hater like me has got to respect the miracle work Lance has done there! Now, do I wish for more of that success? Eh...I'll just let what happens on the field happen lol
25 SMU Mustangs Eh...it's a bit forced, but hey, it's either a token G5 representative, or nothing at all! Wait...shit, my bad. Oh well, I think SMU may be a dark horse (hahahaha get it???) in this newfangled "Atlantic Coast" Conference - but maybe that's wishful thinking? Idk man, the Mustangs looked pretty good in the AAC last year, and as far as I know, I think not much has changed to warrant a downgrade. So hey, perhaps that can translate into ACC play? We will find out this Saturday in Reno...and you know, this is MY poll, so I get to do whatever the hell I want with it, yeah?

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