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wazoheat Ballot for 2018 Way Too Early

Ballot Type: Human

Submitted: Jan. 11, 2018, 4:30 p.m.

Overall Rationale: EVERYONE'S GOING TO HATE A&M THIS YEAR ANYWAY SO I'M MAKING THE MOST OF IT

Rank Team Reason
1 Texas A&M Aggies FRIENDSHIP ENDED WITH SUMLIN, NOW JIMBO IS MY BEST FRIEND
2 Washington Huskies EVER SINCE UCONN CHANGED TO THEIR STUPID FUCKING NEW MASCOT THESE ARE THE ONLY HUSKIES I CARE ABOUT.SERIOUSLY UCONN, MIGHT AS WELL GO BACK TO THE 1959 "SLIGHTLY CONSTIPATED" JONATHAN
3 Miami Hurricanes SAVANNAH ISN'T EVEN A STATE BUT BY GOD ARE THEY GOING TO BEAT THEM
4 Michigan State Spartans BECAUSE HARBAUGH IS A GENIUS AND HE WILL BE VINDICATED!OH WAIT, THAT WAS THE OTHER MICHIGAN TEAM?
5 Auburn Tigers VOWING TO IMPROVE ON THIS SEASON, AUBURN WILL BEAT THREE NUMBER 1 TEAMS, AND YET WILL FORGET TO SHOW UP FOR LIBERTY AND LOSE BY FORFEIT.
6 Nebraska Cornhuskers FALLING JUST SHORT OF TWO NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS IN A ROW FOR FROST
7 FAU Owls LANE KIFFEN IS HERE TO EXPAND THE PLAYOFF BOYS
8 Ohio State Buckeyes I WOULD LOOK UP WHETHER THE PENN STATE GAME IS HOME OR AWAY THIS YEAR BUT IT WON'T MATTER BECAUSE VEGAS HAS METEOR -6.5
9 Clemson Tigers SYRACUSE WILL BE A QUALITY WIN IN 2018
10 Oklahoma Sooners FORMER AGGIE QUARTERBACKS: SO HOT RIGHT NOW
11 Alabama Crimson Tide SABAN WAS UNABLE TO BE REACHED FOR COMMENT DUE TO PRESIDING OVER 3 PRESEASON HONOR KILLINGS AND ONE RITUAL SACRIFICE. IT USED TO BE 4 RITUAL SACRIFICES BUT ALABAMA RAN OUT OF VIRGINS.
12 Wisconsin Badgers MORE LIKE YOU-WISH-CONSIN AMIRITE
13 Michigan Wolverines DID YOU KNOW THAT FLINT, MICHIGAN, WAS ONCE DESTROYED BY A TORNADO THAT KILLED 116 PEOPLE?MAN, EVEN GOD HATES THAT TOWN.
14 Iowa State Cyclones UNRELATED TO ABOVE PICK
15 West Virginia Mountaineers I REALLY LIKE YOUR GUYS' LOGO, IT REMINDS ME OF A CARPET I HAD IN THE MID 70S
16 Minnesota Golden Gophers HEADLINES FROM 2118: DUE TO GLOBAL WARMING MAKING TUSCALOOSA UNINHABITABLE UNTIL WEEK 5, ALABAMA FINALLY AGREES TO A HOME-AND-HOME WITH A BIG 10 TEAM.
17 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets I LIKE ENGINEERING AND RUNNING THE FOOTBALL, THIS TEAM WAS MADE FOR ME
18 Notre Dame Fighting Irish I BORROWED THE SAME DARTBOARD THAT THE AP VOTERS USE AND NOTRE DAME'S SECTION IS TOO FUCKING BIG TO MISS.
19 Boise State Broncos IN A PRANK FOR THE AGES, BOISE STATE SNEAKS INTO EVERY P5 STADIUM OPENING WEEKEND WITH MILLIONS OF GALLONS OF BOISE BLUE PAINT, ENSURING HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE WILL FOLLOW THEM NO MATTER WHO REFUSES TO SCHEDULE A HOME-AND-HOME WITH THEM.
20 Arizona State Sun Devils HERM EDWARDS RENAMES THE TEAM THE SUN ANGELS, THUS REMOVING THE ONLY THING HOLDING THEM BACK FROM GREATNESS.
21 Georgia Bulldogs I HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO HOW MANY TEAMS FROM EACH CONFERENCE ARE ON HERE, HAVE I HIT THE MANDATED 7 SEC PRESEASON SPOTS YET??
22 Utah Utes NO ONE'S EVEN READING THIS FAR DOWN SO WHO THE FUCK CARES.TYLER PERRY'S BOO 2: A MADEA HALLOWEEN WAS AN ACTUAL MOVIE THAT WAS ACTUALLY WRITTEN AND ACTUALLY RELEASED IN THEATERS AND ACTUALLY MADE MONEY
23 Tennessee Volunteers ESPN 30 FOR 30 PRESENTS: FROM TRAINWRECK TO 23RD
24 South Alabama Jaguars PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY STARTING "U-S-A! U-S-A!" CHANTS EVERYWHERE I GO, THEY MUST BE GOOD!
25 Texas Longhorns I'M ONLY PUTTING YOU HERE BECAUSE I CAN'T PUT YOU ANY LOWER AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK I'M IGNORING YOU.

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