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Extra_Excrement Ballot for 2018 Way Too Early

Ballot Type: Human

Submitted: Jan. 15, 2018, 4:44 p.m.

Overall Rationale: It's a Way-Too-Early prediction so I better not see any fighting in the comments. I'm mostly just going off of number of returning starters, how important those players are, depth, and how I expect the teams to generally perform. Just a heads up - my rankings are serious but my rational is a different story. Things started off well with my reasoning but quickly became a trainwreck as I worked my way down the list. Lastly, I tried removing the annoying "Â" things from my text and I'm sorry if some are still popping up. 

Rank Team Reason
1 Alabama Crimson Tide Hard not to put Alabama at #1. Saban continues to prove that he's the best in the game and Alabama always reloads every position. They played a lot of backups during their comeback against Georgia. I still wake up in cold-sweats because of Tua. I imagine he'll have this effect on many people until he's drafted.
2 Clemson Tigers Will we see Episode IV "A New Hope" to take down the Crimson Tide again? It's certainly possible. Clemson routinely reloads their position gaps too. I'm curious to see who takes the field as QB. Many Clemson fans seem to be clamoring for a change there. Maybe Trevor Lawrence is the answer?
3 Ohio State Buckeyes The OSU athletic department will spend the offseason hosing down JT's locker in hopes of getting rid of that old man smell. Seriously though, Haskins looks to be the current #1 on the depth chart and he should provide OSU with the passing threat they've been wanting this whole season. Say goodbye to the predictable 3rd and JT runs. The Buckeyes could have an exciting offense with the return of Dobbins and defense is usually not much of an issue in Columbus.
4 Georgia Bulldogs Chubb, Michel, and Smith are some of the best damn dawgs I've seen. Their contributions will be missed and I wish them all the best in the NFL. Luckily, UGA will almost certainly continue to field great RBs. They also return most of the receivers and what should be one of the best offensive lines in college football (never thought I'd say that). Defense loses a lot but plenty of backups proved their worth when they saw rotations this past season. It sucked that we couldn't shut out Florida but that experience for the backups will really pay off. Also, Wild-Dawg might be more dangerous if we decide to let Fields take over on those formations.
5 Wisconsin Badgers Hornibrook is frustrating to watch but he's a solid manager. Wisconsin returns a lot of offense. They'll wear down teams and chew up T.O.P with that offensive line + Taylor combo. Reloading that defense is never a much of a problem. I would love to see a home-and-home between Georgia and Wisconsin. Athens beer, southern cooking, and plenty of wonderful cheeses equals a great time. 
6 Washington Huskies Browning and Gaskin returning is huge. If some receivers can step up early then Washington could obliterate the Pac-12. Nine returners on defense will certainly help with that. 
7 Miami Hurricanes Like Georgia, Miami seems to be ahead of schedule. They had quite the collapse at the end of the year but Richt has the Hurricanes heading in the right direction. Still, Coastal Chaos could claim another victim and I wouldn't exactly be too surprised if Miami stumbles.
8 Oklahoma Sooners Too bad for Sooners fans that it isn't Mark Stoops leaving and Baker Mayfield returning. They have plenty of talent returning but Murray will have an immense amount of pressure on his shoulders. It might be challenging to win in as many shootouts without Mayfield at the helm. Still, Riley coached well and I'm sure he'll learn from his mistakes last season. 
9 Michigan Wolverines ESPN lists O'Korn as a key loss lmao. I really struggled with who to rank first between Michigan and MSU. Both return a ton of players. I'm only ranking Michigan ahead because my Way-Too-Early #BOLD #PredictionOfTheYear is that it'll be a dry, sunny, and windless day when these two teams meet. Harbaugh will do something weird to counteract Dantonio's weather wizardry.
10 Michigan State Spartans Anyone else think Dantonio looks like an older Red Skull? Maybe he draws his voodoo rain-dancing powers from the tesseract (that's the glowing blue cube for you non-Marvel people). If MSU = Hydra then who is Cap? Maybe Wisconsin since no amount of beer can get them remotely drunk. Wisconsin vs MSU B1GCG confirmed. Wisconsin wins on a blocked field goal in the snow, some weird blue alien laser abducts Dantonio, Wisconsin players freeze before they can accept their trophy, and then they're thawed out half a century later to clean up the college football world alongside Vanderbilt in a powersuit.
11 Auburn Tigers The Gus bus will continue to have its ups and downs in 2018. I doubt they beat both Alabama and Georgia again, but they'll beat enough other teams at the right time to earn a top 15 ranking. The early season game against Washington will be a huge test. Stidham will still have weapons to pass too but he'll likely have a lot less time to do so. 
12 Penn State Nittany Lions I'm now confusing myself because I'm unsure if I'm ranking teams where I expect them to end up or if I'm ranking teams on how good I think they actually are... It's January, my brain hurts, and I'm still in pain from the National Championship. Give me a break and don't judge me too hard.Tough schedule for Penn State. McSorely will likely have to pass more and Rahne will have to continue calling like he did late last season. I think Penn State will be just fine.
13 Virginia Tech Hokies The good news is that the Hokies *didn't* win the Coastal last season. That actually increase their odds to win it this season! I expect Josh Jackson to vastly improve with a full offseason under Fuente. Bud Foster will hopefully field a great defense and the Hokies could be set for an ACCCG appearance.
14 Notre Dame Fighting Irish Another team with a tough schedule. Although I'm sure ND doesn't mind as they need a good SoS to make the playoffs as an Independent. Personally, I think Book becomes the starting QB but I fully expect Wimbush to still make appearances in some plays. ND's DC is gone but nine returners is nothing to scoff at. I think ND will lose 2-3 here and there but pick up enough quality wins to remain within the top 15. 
15 West Virginia Mountaineers High scoring offense, check. Good slate of home games, check. Grier and friends are probably the greatest threat to dethroning Oklahoma in the Big12. Just don't lose to Tennessee early on or your entire season will quickly fall apart. It is known. 
16 LSU Tigers Through Orgeron's incoherent marbles-in-mouth dialect, I thought I heard him say he retained Dave Aranda. Oh, they did? Well that's good. LSU's defense will still bail them out with the return of eight starters. Alabama, Georgia, and Miami are no easy games but a win or two will signify what could be a very solid season. That is unless they choose to drop a game or two to Rice and Arkansas.
17 Stanford Cardinal At the time of making this poll, Bryce Love has still not decided what he wants to do. It's a big decision and I hope he takes his time. I just don't want any of the two people that actually read this to point at me and call me a big dumb-dumb poopy head for clearly making the wrong decision ranking Stanford here. I expect the Cardinal to drop a game or two early on and then figure out how to play like a top 10 team late in the season. 
18 South Carolina Gamecocks Muschamp will field a solid defense. Bentley, Samuel, and McClendon will provide SCar with possibly their best offensive season in years. If they can stay healthy and upset Georgia early on in the season then they could make an appearance in Atlanta. 
19 UCF Knights "Stay, Frosty" whispers the UCF community. "Stay frosty" I shout through a megaphone to them. Milton working with Heupel could be electric. The War on I-4 may not be as big this upcoming season, but the Lane Train will make a stop in Orlando. I'm hoping that this game gives every r/cfb visitor what they want and more. 
20 TCU Horned Frogs TCU has a nice selection of home games but it'll be tough to play against tough competition with so little returners on offense. They'll probably lose to Ohio State early. But don't quit on the Horned Frogs early. Patterson is a very underrated coach and will have his team prepared to play every week. If these guys make the Alamo Bowl again, don't take a lead into halftime against them. They wouldn't have it any other way.
21 USC Trojans Speaking of not wanting it any other way, I guess Darnold is a masochist and wants to play in the Factory of Sadness come fall. USC is always a ridiculously talented team with coaching holding them back. I think it's reasonable to say that Washington is the Pac-12 favorite and that USC is currently on the outside looking in. They have some tough away games but I think they'll make a classic late season recovery. I'm not ranking Texas so I might as well comment about them here. They'll beat Maryland in a revenge game, handle Tulsa, TEXASISBACK USC, and then have the wheels fall off their metaphorical wagon from there. Give Herman time, Longhorns.
22 Mississippi State Bulldogs I've been sitting here for days making this poll. I need to submit it before I bloody piss meself. Stale meme. Stale egg. The taste left in Clanga's mouth after this past season. The cries of thousands of cowbells suddenly silenced in the night.Good bowl game performance though. Fitzgerald could look even more impressive if Moorcowbell has an immediate effect on the offense. The Purple Wizard (though we all love that man) will not be able to cast his spells, for the discordant sea of the bells will drown out all voices. Kansas State will experience something only Edgar Allen Poe could describe. "By the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the bells -- of the bells -- of the bells (x7)-- In the clamour and the clangour of the bells!" 
23 Boise State Broncos The Broncos return a lot of offense and defense this season. The Cowboys will domesticate the Broncos but other than that, Boise State should have a good season. They face Troy in an OOC matchup, but we all know that Trojans aren't built to wrap-up horses. Boise State stampedes them to a win and heads into bowl season with a solid claim for a NY6 game. 
24 FAU Owls Having FAU in the top 25 isn't just wishful thinking on my part. When, and I'm not saying if - I'm saying WHEN FAU defeats UCF and Oklahoma, r/cfb will devolve into absolute madness. I'll keep the mods in my thoughts when that night comes.
25 Florida State Seminoles My rationale went from legitimate commentary to complete insanity in the course of two hours. It's now dark outside and I'm lonely and afraid. I'm thirsty and I'm mashing the TAB key on my laptop yet no drinks have arrived. FSU will build upon their late-season momentum and potentially upset a few good ACC teams to finish 2018 ranked. 

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